eye.to.eye.

The Rush

2012-01-25T15:55:00.000-08:00

She’s there,
On the tip of a steep cliff,
Playfully dangling her toes off the edge.
She could take five comfortable steps back,
And be safe again-
But she’s tired of safe.

For she craves the fall.
She craves the wind rushing around her,
Filling her lungs
and bringing goose bumps to her arms.
Although she loves the soft landing behind her,
It is the thrill she seeks,
Knowing that as soon as the cliff beneath her crumbles,
Her life begins.

Her life-
Her own.
The cliff of her childhood will soon be gone,
And she sits,
Looking over the edge,
Seeing the rush of the fall-
The rush of her life,
And she is tempted to jump,
To leap into the possibilities almost in reach of her dangling toes.
Who will I meet?
Where will I be?
What will I become?
The constant itch of these questions lies in her bones,
For she knows she must wait for answers.
Wait.
Wait.

And soon-
She remembers her soft landing,
It is not quite finished yet.
She goes back to basking in her final moments in the comfort,
In the familiar…

But her strive for the wind,
for the fall,
for the rush,
is always in the back of her mind.
She’s ready for her new life to begin.

**cross-posted at Shutter Sisters

cling

2011-11-15T20:00:00.000-08:00

to family, she clings.

family held her together-

through harsh eyes,

judging voices,

and distant friends-

it was always constant,

stable.

without family, she thought,

i will shatter.

one day, though,

it stumbled-

was no longer sturdy.

and yet,

still she stood.

she was stronger than she thought.

growing old

2011-09-13T17:10:00.000-07:00

he's engaged in normal conversation,
like every visit they share.
they've come regularly since days of bare feet and braids,
since days of excited footsteps pattering on tile.
now they sit,
texting on their phones as he talks to the tops of their heads.
they nod and say the right things,
always leaving him with an emptiness-
he sees his age in their eyes.
they go through the ritual of playing their latest piano pieces,
his most cherished part of their visits...
for as soon as he hears the nocturne on the out-of-tune keys,

he's a dashing young man clad in a starched uniform,
with gleaming war medals clinking as he walks.
the room is filled with respectful eyes
watching him sip a cocktail while conducting business in murmured words.

then, the front doors open,
and she steps in.
heads turn, and he puts down his drink to take in her presence.
her eyes sparkle as she locks a gaze with him.
she crosses the room,
places her warm hand over his,
and smiles.

with her beside him,
his youth could never be taken away...

the nocturne ends.
the children resume their mechanical conversations
until his granddaughter, their mother, picks them up.
as soon as she arrives,
they softly kiss his cheek and rush out the door.
she walks across the room,
sits next to him,
places her warm hand over his,
and smiles.
she has her grandmother's eyes,
he thinks as they sparkle back at him.
and for now,

he feels young again

***
cross-posted at Shutter Sisters

limbo

2011-08-10T07:42:00.000-07:00

she sits

with her toes in the sand,
sea water rushing over the tops of her feet,
and sunshine warming her skin...

and yet her mind is elsewhere.
on one shoulder sits Past,
on the other, Future.
her mind travels between the two,
trying and failing to find common ground.
Past lovingly twirls her hair and brushes her cheek
while reminding her of warm memories long forgotten.
Future giggles in her ear with the excitement of what is to come...

and she can't choose.
she looks back at the girl she was with freckles and an uneven bob,
then forward at college applications sitting on her desk at home;
and she doesn't know where to go-
how to move on to resumes and scholarships
when the little girl with dolls in tow is grabbing her hand and pulling her back.

and then a seagull flies by,
and she is in reality once more.
Past and Future have gone,
and for the moment,
she focuses back on the present,
forgetting the visitors on her shoulder...

until their absence is no more,
and they return to their constant home in her mind.

a part of

2011-07-12T17:43:00.000-07:00

when in france,
she was a stranger,
an outsider.
she didn't belong there
with these people who were all a part of a heritage,
a background.
she was a smudge on the beautiful culture,
not contributing anything-
a tourist,
a foreigner...

she was eating in a quiet cafe,
wishing she could become one with these people
who so interested her.
these people with loose hair and an unmatched zest for life.
she desperately wanted to mesh with them,
to blend with them,
to fit in seamlessly,
but she failed.

it was then that she glanced over in a dark corner of the cafe
and noticed a lonely piano...
her tour guide urged her,
to go.
to play.

and after much head shaking and hustled refusals,
she made her way
with blushed cheeks and shaky knees
to the dark corner.
and as she set down,
she felt the music bleed out of her soul,
the most beautiful music she had ever created.
she poured her love of the country,
her desire to be of the people,
and her yearning to possess the energy around her,
into every chord.

and as she looked around,
they noticed her...
these people who inspired her,
these people whom she wanted so badly to connect with.
and for the first time since her arrival,

she was one of them,
a part of their beautiful culture,

she was finally at home.

summer supper table

2011-06-29T19:11:00.000-07:00

(part of my Unfocused photo series)

clinging forks
constant chirps of sleepy crickets
dim candlelight outlining faces of loved ones
feet casually propped on porch chairs,
draped in beach towels airing dry
fresh vegetables on each plate
low,
soft,
and kind conversation
drifting through the air
t-shirts, shorts, and bare feet are worn by all

summer is its best at the supper table

light

2011-06-15T06:33:00.000-07:00

the church she had attended her entire life
with her parents and grandparents
who had also been going their whole lives
was a beautiful church-
stained glass full of piercing color
against soft white brick
welcomed any weary visitor.
she would sit in church on sundays,
her view from the choir loft before her,
and she would take in the light filling the room.
the light radiating from warm smiles looking up from the pews,
the light surrounding the melodic mixture of loving voices,
and the light pouring in from the stained glass that took her breath away.
her church was a church of the purest light...

and then one day,
tragedy struck the shining church-
waves of red, orange, and yellow fitfully attacked the soft white brick
and destroyed the precious sanctuary...
she stood outside and watched
as the brave men in heavy suits fought the relentless waves,
as the smoke became suffocating to all those around.
she saw the lines of sadness draw tight across her grandfather's face
as he watched his lifelong home burn.

she couldn't understand why her church of light was falling,
why the purity of her church was being smoldered by ash.
she was angry, hurt, and confused...

but then,
as she looked closer,
she realized the light was still there-
could never go away.

because as she looked past the wailing trucks,
the relentless waves of orange,
and the lingering smog,
the stained glass windows were still there,
still pouring out the most beautiful light from the piercing colors,
untouched by the hateful waves.
and her hopelessness disappeared...

because she knew that this church full of light would never stop shining,
and that they all would rise from the ashes still gleaming-

and they did.

*Go here to see my documented experience of my church fire

it endures

2011-05-31T20:06:00.000-07:00

in young age,
he would lead,
she would follow close behind.
she would lean against his firm shoulder,
feeling secure underneath his sure stature.
he would take care of all duties non-domestic;
she would flawlessly cover the domestic ones.
he would strongly make the major decisions for the family,
always backed by her encouraging words,
and filled with plenty of her input, of course.
he was the leader of dinner conversations,
adding in witty and charming comments and making her laugh adoringly.
he took care of her-
she was safe in his arms.

in older age,
she leads,
holding out her hand for him to follow behind.
she masterfully handles all household duties
and makes all decisions-
without a complaint.
she leads all dinner discussions,
carefully repeating important comments to his silent ear.
she takes care of him-
he is safe in her arms...

and although she is now his caretaker,
she still leans against his sure shoulder;
he still grabs her hand with love.
he still makes charming comments,
and she still laughs adoringly.
a proud love still shines in her eyes...

because she'll always be safe in his arms.

unfocused

2011-05-23T19:18:00.000-07:00

taking pictures,
she's frustrated.
she sees the moment,
knows what she wants to capture,
but never turning it out quite right...

the lighting is rough,
the focus is all wrong.
all she wants is to portray life-
the life she loves.
the life that is hers.

she soon begins to realize
that these failed pictures,
these pictures that could never amount to anything-
are real.
the blur of the lens

is everything she has been searching for.

I'm starting a project, "Unfocused: A Photo Series," because the unfocused, minimal quality, imperfect and outcast pictures are... who I am.

This is real. This is me. Won't you come along?

*Click the Unfocused tab in the left column for my growing collection

life

2011-05-11T17:37:00.000-07:00

as she walked down the streets,
she breathed,
taking in all the smells around her...
the smells of dying cigarettes,
fresh bread,
sweets and perfumes.

she opened her eyes,
seeing the slow,
wonderful pace of the people around her,
the simple enjoyment of everyday life,
the humble, hard-working spirit ingrained into the society.

she perked her ears,
and heard the sounds of children laughing,
of melodic sentences in French tongue,
and of musical smatterings mixing together from musicians housed on different street corners.

and as she lingered slowly,
she felt an urge.
an urge to stay...
to appreciate life,
to grab hold of the rich culture,
to open herself up to the sincere happiness of these people.

and she began to live...

France brought her to life.

she lives for others

2011-05-08T16:39:00.000-07:00

(my new iPhoneography)

The single most important gift my mother has taught me in my few years (by her example) is
seeing people. I mean really seeing them.

Seeing those who are having bad days.

Seeing those who are left out.

Seeing those who are hurting and in pain.

Seeing those who feel under appreciated.

Seeing those who just need some company.

Seeing those who need a hug or smile.

And not only does she see these people, but she does something to help them.
By inviting a left out neighbor to a dinner party, sending cards and baked goods any time
anyone is in need, by making someone under appreciated feel worthy...
she helps.
And the beauty of it all is that she doesn't even realize how much she does for
others. She doesn't even notice the eyes always full of admiration surrounding her.

She is a beautiful woman from the very inside of her soul to the outermost freckles on her
skin.

I love you Mama, and thank you for showing me how to live for others.

global

2011-04-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

Hey there stranger! I know it's been way too long for me to be gone. But I have a good excuse...

I've been on French time.
France completely took my breath away, and I can't wait to tell you all about it!
There's gotta be French blood somewhere in my family line.

and the best part is that I documented the entire trip...
iphoneography style.

Stay tuned.

Je vous aime tous,

suz

she stares

2011-03-17T18:41:00.000-07:00

as arms constantly reach across her,
scheduling this and scheduling that,
she stares.

she stares at the blur of a life passing her by.
at piano lessons, tennis practices, and dance recitals.
at essays, tests, and meetings.
she stares.

as if she is sitting in the passenger seat,
gazing out the window
and growing yet another day older,
she stares.

but then something happens...
glimmers of light begin to pierce the black and white.
her purpose and blooming future become clear once more.
the arms reaching across her now pull her into an embrace,
and warmth and love fill her soul once more.

and then she stares no longer...

for she sees.

her dress

2011-03-01T19:45:00.001-08:00

she wore this dress in college.
it's still his favorite dress...

her thin, sunned legs dance across the floor.
she smiles and freckles glisten across her face.
her manicured nails wave as she socializes across the room.
her grace, class, and poise are undeniable.
her fox trot is flawless.
all eyes follow her laugh,
her perfect laugh.
the chandelier lights dance across her shining dress.

she makes her way toward the dark end of the room.
he, her stern grandfather, sits alone.
the light follows her kind walk.

and with a sparkle in her eyes, she asks him to dance.
he sets down his cane,
takes one last sip of his lonesome cocktail,
and joins her.
and then all eyes are on the lucky man.

because as she leads him in a flawless fox trot,

he smiles.
and with her shine,

he is glowing.

the lonely

2011-02-20T10:32:00.000-08:00

independent, she is.
the quietness of being alone draws her in.
the stillness, it comforts her,
beckoning her to come...
to push others away.

but the stillness becomes painful,
deafening.
with tears streaming down her face,
she realizes this world she has created is...
lonely.
the lonely consumes her,
sending chills down her spine.
the lonely rings in her ears like a siren.

the lonely is calling her no more.

You wouldn't believe...

2011-02-15T15:00:00.000-08:00

You wouldn't believe the weather we are having here down here in the southeast. It has been sunny and around 70 degrees the past couple of days. I'm used to this warm buttery sunlight only appearing in April or September! Too bad it gets below freezing again next week...

But for now I am enjoying every bit of being able to drive around town with the windows down and Dave Matthews on the radio. May you all have a summery kind of week as well (if the weather can't be where you are, I hope your spirits can.)

xo

Those girls on the roof

2011-02-05T15:38:00.000-08:00

(Caroline, Elizabeth, Taylar)

Here's a post about those girls on the roof from my Shuttersisters post...

Elizabeth is the filler of awkward moments. the lover of all things preppy. my hallmark movie companion. the funny video maker. the sharer of my love for cooking... and eating, most importantly. my trampoline jumping buddy. the cutest cheerleader on the squad. my school night sleepover accomplice. the feeder of gossip on our neighborhood walks. my competitor in bubble gum chewing contests during drama class. the master of making weird (always loud) noises in the cafeteria during lunch. my fellow domestic of the group. the sixth member of our family. the "sheltered" one. my best friend since ninth grade who knows every single thing about me.the one we are all going to miss so much when she graduates in a few months...

Caroline is the instigator of all snide comments. the provider of constant laughing when we're all together. the dangerous driver. the best advice giver i know. the dave matthews band junkie. the paranoid beauty queen. the philosopher. my friend since birth... literally (i'll always be one week older than you, though...) my fellow lover of photography. the girl with the sarcastic but incredibly loving personality all in one. my summer camp buddy all through grade school (she hated every minute of camp life). my fellow indulger of good food. the one who shares my dreams of traveling the world... together. the stealer of the sheets in the middle of the night (she usually ends up with a bed to herself). my soul sister since first grade. the sharer of all my elementary memories. my sweet caroline...

Taylar is my opponent in our "battles of the wits." she is the one who really gets me. the eccentric, gorgeous girl of our group. the girl who can create hilarious comments on command. she is my fellow anticipator of the future. the girl who always knows exactly what is on my mind.. and vice versa. the one who can make me laugh in the pit of my stomach for hours. the holder of millions of inside jokes since middle school. my slightly liberal/slightly conservative political equal. the creator of deep discussions that can last forever. the funky, cool girl. the A+ girl who makes the rest of us slightly jealous. the "go with the flow" one. the girl who shares in my obsession with food (okay, we are all in love with eating). the one who laughs at my (mostly) lame jokes. the one who holds the record for partaking in the most "heart to heart" conversations. the music connoisseur...

these are my three best friends. and all together, we have a bond that will stretch longer than high school as we go our separate ways...

a bond that will last our whole lives.

excitement

2011-01-27T13:50:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! I know I have been MIA around here lately, but I think I just went into hibernation after all this snowy winter mess without even realizing it... I have been a little busy in my absence, however.

Go here to find out why. I'm so blessed to be given this opportunity (thanks to my fabulous aunt) .
I love all of you, and thank goodness I'm back.

xoxo

Family Table

2010-12-30T09:24:00.000-08:00

Remember my Family Table posts? Well here is one dedicated to my sweet grandmother.

she's the bedtime enforcer. the piano teacher. the Bible verse reciter. the storyteller to multiple grandchildren snuggled in her bed. the nap lover. on any given winter night, you can find her snoozing in her fireside rocking chair next to my grandfather who will most likely be watching the news or a basketball game. the best pimento cheese maker. the spoiler of my grandfather. she's a self proclaimed cheerleader for all of her grandchildren and children, but most of all, her husband. the compulsive picker-upper of all things out of order. the die-hard recycler and re user. the woman who can still be freezing cold sitting next to a furnace. the nightly Mentholatum applier under her nose and on her lips. the hater of dry skin, especially when it comes to her piano playing hands. Sara Lee Coffee Cake's most loyal customer. the fashionista. the hummer of old southern hymns. the owner of a bedroom slipper filled closet... many worn by her granddaughters when she "can't stand to look at those bare, cold feet anymore." the caller of "lamb chop" to all those she loves. the leaver of red lipstick stains on her cocktail glasses full of grapefruit juice. the baby lover. she's the harmonizer of every song ever sung... even "Happy Birthday." the preparer of her world famous breakfast casserole, always present on Christmas morning. the adorer of smocked dresses and big bows for all her youngest granddaughters. the biggest reason Christmas is always so special in our family. the cancer survivor, carrying on each day with inspiring strength.

my grandmother is... my hero.

bright eyes

2010-12-22T18:19:00.000-08:00

these bright eyes belong to a special girl...

a girl who dances around on her tip toes,
who speaks so excitedly that her words come out in a completely happy jumble.
the daddy's girl,
whose sweet cheeks remain in an almost constant smile,
the one who calls me "Fuzanna," (instead of Suzanna), melting my heart every time.
the dog lover and cat chaser,
whose head tilts to the side as she tells stories with an always animated tone.
the baby of my mom's side of the family with one of the biggest hearts.
the happiest little girl i know...

the single most person i want to be when i grow up.

Livvy

2010-12-07T19:20:00.000-08:00

I had to write a short story for my Creative Writing class a few weeks ago. We were to write a character study... a descriptive story of a fictional character who changes because of the plot (can't you tell this is a great class?)

Here is Livvy. I hope you enjoy the story of a girl that has lived in my mind and heart for years.

Livvy was fourteen that spring. She had golden brown hair that hung in shoulder-length braids down her tanned arms. Freckles were sprinkled across her nose, and a dimple was asymmetrically placed on her left cheek. She loved to walk along the crackled road at Nunnally Farms, her home, and greet her cows every day. She had followed her grandfather out to the pasture almost every morning since she could walk, helping him with the daily cattle duties. Annie, the oldest cow, was her absolute favorite, and Annie sure loved Livvy as well. Livvy would always run her fingers up and down Annie’s silky back and whisper secrets into her ears. Livvy was the happiest when she was sitting near her cows, her baseball cap donned, her bare feet hardened by the gravel, and a casual breeze gently swaying her braids in the air. Livvy detested the daily piano lessons upon which her grandmother insisted. Her grandmother was the most beautiful piano player in the world as far as Livvy was concerned, but she just didn’t seem to share the same talent. The dirt between her fingernails and the hair in her eyes were always scolded by her grandmother as each lesson progressed, and Livvy could never keep her interest going the whole time. Livvy’s favorite way to spend a spring or summer night was snuggled in between her grandparents in the big bed. Her grandfather’s loud snores always made her smile, and her grandmother’s arms around her made her feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Livvy loved to ride in the passenger seat of the old pick-up truck as her grandfather drove around the farm. She knew she would never forget the smell of her home, especially when she would lean her head out the window and inhale every memory it held for her. Livvy was an innocent girl who grew up slowly, surrounded by the love of her family and the love of the farm. Unlike most of her peers, Livvy was going to be a child as long as the world would allow…

Until that summer when everything changed… the summer when Livvy’s mother came back into her life.

Livvy’s mother, Stella, left her with her grandparents when she was a newborn. Rebellious Stella was in her early twenties at the time and had gotten pregnant from one of her many one night stands. Knowing that her drug problems and unemployment would never be enough for motherhood, she left Livvy with her parents and never came back to Nunnally Farms. Her disappearance left her parents with an empty hole in their lives, a hole that had begun to form as soon as Stella started to turn away from their conservative beliefs when she was in high school. Livvy was their saving grace, though. The happiness brought from the smile in her bright blue eyes overshadowed much of the despair in their lives.

The last time anyone had ever heard from Stella was five years ago, when she begged her parents to wire her some money, which they did in hopes of renewing contact with her. However, after that, she never called again.

~~~

It was a beautiful summer day when Stella drove up to the farm in her old blue convertible. Livvy was feeding Annie in her favorite spot and enjoying the smooth breeze that was in the air. Her grandparents had gone to a neighbor’s house, so she figured she would get some chores done while they were absent. She was contemplating an afternoon swim in the lake when she heard the screeching noise of a run-down motor coming up the driveway. All she could see of the person driving at first was a cigarette hanging out the window, but then she saw the familiar face. The face she had only seen in pictures, but the face that had been etched into her heart for as long as she could remember. She ran to her mother with forgiveness pouring out of her soul. Their embrace seemed to last forever, and tears shone in both of their eyes…

Livvy soon learned that her mother was dying. Cancer had spread throughout her body, and she had only months to live. Upon learning of her condition, Stella knew she could only do one thing with the rest of her days- she had to be the mother she never was. And that is exactly what she did for the last two months of her life.

Before meeting her mother, Livvy was a quiet girl who had lived a sheltered life on her beloved farm. Stella, however, introduced Livvy to the world around her. She taught her how to dream of the future and be excited about the changes taking place around her. She took her shopping and on day trips to the city. She told Livvy stories about love and about the horrible mistakes she had made in her life. The most important lesson Stella taught Livvy, though, was the lesson of pure grace. The grace that welcomed Stella back to the farm as though she had never left. The grace that gave them both a relationship together they had never even imagined. And the grace that presented them each with a new enthusiasm for life.

Livvy aged a few years watching her mother die that summer. This was the first time she realized life was not fair, and that people were always walking in and out of it. She had never grieved so much as she did for her mother, and she had to learn how to rise from tragedy, something many people don’t grasp all their lives. Livvy also experienced thankfulness for her grandparents and for the time she spent with Stella. Her mother’s death helped her to appreciate the wonderful life around her, and allowed her to form exciting aspirations outside her simple life on the farm.

Her mother helped her become the person she was meant to be.

I'm Thankful Day 3

2010-11-29T17:39:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know Thanksgiving is over, but I have just barely skimmed the top layer of my overflowing gratitude lately. I hope each of your Thanksgivings was as wonderful as mine. And today, as I enter back into the real world, I can't get enough of this scene below me.

Thanksgiving at the farm...

the mixture of scents from the numerous family members entering into the house. the smiles on faces as long lost relatives are seen once again. the smell of Uncle Billy's pride and joy (his smoked turkey) traveling through the air. canned cranberry sauce atop crystal dishware. my grandmother's meticulously decorated dinner table. little munchkins running around, so happy to see their "bestest cousins." watching the hustle and bustle around the house in the bright blue eyes of my captivated two year old cousin. the men arriving in camouflage, just finishing up a successful dove hunt. the smoky smell of fire drifting from the roaring fireplace. rivalry football games exploding from the t.v. in the living room. gathering hands around the big table while my grandfather blesses the food... adding in a few jokes at the end, of course. oversized portions of casseroles filling each plate. still sitting at the kiddie table as I become the designated cheek wiper for the little ones. many slowly leave the table while the dinner is wrapping up, but i always stay and listen to casual chatter between the remaining adults. much too full bellies sitting around crinkled napkins and cleaned plates. complete happiness and peace grinning across my face from ear to ear.

i love my family. and for them, i am the most thankful.

I'm Thankful Day 2

2010-11-15T18:31:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for these sleepy eyes that see right into my heart. I am thankful for this scruffy chin that rests on my knee when attention is sought. I am thankful for these velvety ears that never complain about the uncountable number of soap operas they have had to hear. I am thankful for this golden tail that doesn't seem to mind when accidentally stepped upon by the busy people in this house.

I am so thankful for this good 'ole boy. He's a special one, that's for sure.

I'm Thankful Day 1

2010-11-12T03:58:00.000-08:00

As Thanksgiving is nearing, I am getting my mind into thankful mode around here. I'm going to be posting little regular posts about what makes me overflow with thankfulness for the next couple of weeks...

Today I am thankful for this little buddy and the way his cool facade disappears as he tucks himself in my parents' bed each night...

Even though he refuses to pick up the bath mat when he gets out of the shower, even though I am the one who has to gather up his strewn belongings across the house and bring them back to his room, even though he blares his cool music way too loud when I am trying to study...

I am so thankful. His crooked smile and tendency to nestle his head on my shoulder while we watch t.v. seems to do the trick.

I love you baby boy.

Family Time

2010-11-04T19:05:00.000-07:00

(the last time we were all together... 4th of July fireworks)

the sound of voices heard all around
the clinging of silverware across the table
listening to the memories of a time long ago
raving over the delicately prepared meal
sitting back when every ounce of food is gone, tummies full
staying at the table long after each plate is cleaned, just to enjoy the casual conversation
gathering up the sleepy-eyed children and taking them to their final destinations of the night
falling asleep with a genuine smile etched on my face and grandparents on either side...

I am missing family time at the farm right about now. Thank goodness that in a couple of weeks, we will be packing our minivan and heading up there. Sorry I have been gone for so long... I am sure you all remember the lovely stresses of high school :)

Thanksgiving, can you please hurry up?

A corny pun and self analyses

2010-10-13T18:38:00.000-07:00

This fall I am turning over a new leaf (ha ha)...

I am realizing more and more that my life has begun to diminish to little more than my AP class, schoolwork, and busy schedules. I have barely gotten to enjoy the beauty of my favorite season so far, and that fact is what saddens me the most.

So what have I done to fix this little issue?
Well after promptly completing all my school stuff, I donned my scarf and boots and stepped outside. I crunched atop the newly fallen leaves with the deepest satisfaction I have had in weeks. Stress completely flew out the window and peace... peace set right in. I am going to set aside time to do this as often as possible. To just sit and absorb the crisp air, neighborhood noises, and take advantage of the most easily accessible beauty right here at home.

Sometimes, all I need is a little nature. Isn't it funny how all we have to do is step right outside sometimes to find all the focus we have been looking for?

May you get to step outside just once this week... and turn over a new leaf this beautiful season.

and a totally unrelated picture that makes me smile every time...

Picture Summer

2010-10-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

I know fall has just begun, but with my absence, my Picture Summer (with Tracey Clark) photos never made it up here.

I hope this helps you remember the beautiful summer past, and look forward to the fall ahead.
Have a great week.

-suzyQ

kiss the rain

2010-09-26T10:27:00.000-07:00

when taking a leap of happiness, sadness is guaranteed somewhere along the road. when becoming attached to someone or something, letting go is always somewhere in the future...

but love,

love is worth is every bit of it.

everything gets better with time, and it has. thank you all for standing by while I healed, but i am back...
meanwhile, this song has comforted me to no end. i encourage you to stop by and listen.

the smile is back.
-suzyQ

Lousy.

2010-09-04T22:49:00.000-07:00

I know it. I am so sorry. I am the world's lousiest blogger. However, this has been the hardest week of my life, and naturally, blogging was forgotten. I won't go into any details, but I am not quite sure how busy this place will be for a little while. I just need some time to heal.

And get back to this kind of happy again soon.
I love you all dearly.
-suzyQ

my girls.

2010-08-24T19:59:00.000-07:00

(taken with my tripod and self-timer)

we are best friends.
slumber buddies.
late night cookie dough eaters.
self proclaimed stand-up comedians.
closet sharers.
advice givers.
middle of the night cover stealers.

we... are sisters.

(August Break #4)

she's there

2010-08-16T17:21:00.001-07:00

she's always there
taking a break from the piano and grandmotherly duties
to grab a chair
and be there for him-
his cheerleader,
every day
always
she's there

(August Break #3... to learn more about my lovely grandmother, stay tuned for another Family Table post soon)

Summer under the water

2010-08-11T11:58:00.000-07:00

Here's a part of summer that I can't get enough of.
(August Break #2)

August Break

2010-08-07T07:36:00.000-07:00

I am starting my August Break today (see left column for info...)

I probably won't be consistent with it because I want to continue with my Family Table Series, but it will be a nice project to fall back on. My summer is winding down, and I am just trying to enjoy every minute of it. Hope yours is wonderful as well!

those people at the table (#1)

2010-07-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

at the head sits my grandfather, the farmer. the chocolate milkshake maker. the spoiler. the one whose snores make you smile in the middle of the night while snug between him and my grandmother. the one with the dirty jeans. the one with the worn-out, big, comfy chair in the living room. the one who makes the big batch of peaches 'n milk that's out on the counter every summer morning before he leaves for his early morning cattle duties. the one who can tell a joke over and over, and it gets funnier every time. the elvis presley junkie. the truck driver. the TV King (I am known as the TV Queen). the one who says "how's my firstborn?" every time he sees me. the sweet tea addict. the die-hard Republican. the basketball/tennis coach. the one who has taught most of his grandchildren how to properly dive into the swimming pool- no matter how long it took (he once stood by the side of our neighborhood pool with me for hours until my dive put Michael Phelps to shame.) the one who runs the entire beach every day when we take our family vacation...(yes this is my grandfather we are talking about). my encourager. the one with the most comfortable lap in the world. the old-fashioned Southern boy. the lover of my sweet grandmother. the one who has always caught me since toddler years with strong arms as I run and jump in his arms, and still does.

This is my Big Daddy. Not only is he the head of the table, he is the head of our family.

(for the next few posts, I will be telling you about each of these amazing people at the table- my family. I hope you begin to love 'em as much as I do.)

In the quiet shadows...

2010-07-20T15:02:00.000-07:00

she listens...
to the tune of her loved ones, hearing the music she adores.
the music of their voices harmonized together, the familiar warmth of their bodies close by.
she listens...
to the very happiness that defines her.

she listens.

Paradise

2010-07-12T19:54:00.000-07:00

("Paradise," cell phone photography)

I am in the middle of total paradise for the next week, so will be temporarily of out of the blogosphere. Please feel free to visit me on Twitter where I will be status updating via cell phone, as well as more cell phone pictures. I am also participating in Tracey Clark's "Picture Summer" and can't wait to post some of those very very soon.

Have a terrific, summery week!

-suzyQ

The latest

2010-07-05T13:20:00.000-07:00

Lately, I kinda have been substituting my big 'ole Canon for my little bitty camera phone. It is so easy to grab and instantly snap the moment before me... and since the quality of picture is much less, it forces me to really capture the essence of the life surrounding me. Sure, my cellphone pictures aren't the prettiest pictures in the world, but they are close to my heart. They really illustrate what is going on around me- the real stuff, no fancy equipment to beautify it.

No, I am definitely not putting up my SLR for good... it is just fun to play around with something new. I actually am shooting every day now- I was always "too busy" to do so before.

Go here here and here for more cellphone picture love. (you can also go to my link in the left panel)

These are my favorites so far:

One

2010-06-27T20:39:00.001-07:00

Hello my dear readers! Today, June 27th, marks the one year anniversary of my blog. Can you believe it? Thank you all for your constant love, support, and sweet words. This transitional phase in my life from childhood to adulthood has been much easier for me- being able to express my thoughts in this space. Developing this place has definitely been one of the best decisions I have ever made; look at all the blog friends I have made! I thank and love you all.

I am off to celebrate...

P.S. Check out my new "cell phone photography" and twitter account in the left corner. Sooo fun.

-suzyQ

Lightning bug love

2010-06-17T07:09:00.000-07:00

Catching lightning bugs with my sweet cousins just before dark... that's what I am loving about my summer.

What are you loving about yours?

Sees

2010-06-14T09:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay. I am going to be completely honest... Auto-focus is mostly on cruise control for me, and I usually tweak my photos' coloring on my editing program. However easy it may seem, it is all to recreate the "beauty that I find in the ordinary every day".

So when my highly intellectual cousin questioned my beloved art of photography, I told him that exact statement above.
"Photography is the lazy man's art," he said, "anyone can press a button, and then edit it to make it look perfect. I wouldn't say you have to be talented to do that..."

Little did he know, but those words deeply bothered me for quite some time. Am I really an artist? Is photography really an art? How am I special if anybody can make a pretty picture?
It sure took me a long time to answer the thousands of questions in my head, but I finally did it. And here is my answer:

Photography is much more than a pretty picture. It's true- anyone can do that. Photography, however, is the magic found in an exchange of good mornings, the soft sheets woken up to every day, an afternoon drive to soccer practice, a child's playdate, carefully drawn sidewalk chalk murals on the driveway, the touch of a loved one, an overpacked minivan headed to the beach, the irony of an out of place conversation ...

A true photographer is different because

a true photographer sees.

**To answer some questions:
I do almost always shoot on manual modes (mostly Av) , and I sometimes use manual focus, but auto-focus is the most common because when I see something I want to capture, it is the best to use because I don't want the moment to go by.

Forever

2010-06-03T20:12:00.000-07:00

She was a sweet girl.
She would walk barefoot in the dirt, then wash her hands as her mama called her in for supper.
She loved to catch lightning bugs, and loved babies.
She and her sister would make Barbie houses out of old video tapes and play for hours.
She called her little brother her baby boy, just as if he were her child.
Her American Dolls slept with her every night, had a reserved seat at the dinner table, and were showered with kisses and baby powder.
She had a five star restaurant in her back yard where she sold countless meals to her siblings through the window of her playhouse.
She would swing in the backyard before dance class, careful not to rip her pink tights.
She loved to read, and Nancy Drew was always on her bedside table.
The Dixie Chicks were her favorite band; following closely behind was Shania Twain.
Hopping on the four-wheeler with her grandaddy and riding around the farm made her feel very special.
She loved to dance, and always wished her hair was long enough to put in a proper "ballet bun."
She could spend hours in the pool, until her little fingers and toes resembled raisins.
She was very sensitive, her feelings were hurt easily.
While watching PG-13 movies with her grandparents and eating butter popcorn and chocolate milkshakes, she felt like a grown-up.
Red was her favorite color.
She loved college football games, even though she would be very upset when the poor referees were "booed" by the crowd.
She was determined to read the whole Bible through in a few weeks, and very disappointed in herself when that deadline was not nearly met.
Being with her family was the best thing in the world.
She loved to sing, and believed she was the next Britney Spears. Her parents were glad when that dream never came true..
She watched every episode of Full House at least twenty times each, and countless freckles resided on her cheeks.
She grew up slow, and would cry when she thought time was moving too fast.

The sweet girl now waits... for that blink-of-an-eye moment when it will all be gone. Her childhood-

forever.

Coming back to life

2010-05-28T11:50:00.001-07:00

(my friend Caroline)

I felt it... as soon as I smelled that good ole smell, and felt that fresh air on my cheeks after walking out of the school building... I felt it.

summer is bringing me back to life.

The late nights of cramming for exams the next day, alarm clocks, the numerous empty coffee mugs surrounding me- exam week is over...

and summer is here!

Hallelujah.

Spring has got me going wild...

2010-05-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

...I have even stepped up to videos. Wow, I love this time of year.

*Yes, that is me playing the piano... Another one of well-kept secrets from you guys.
*And I am sorry for the blurry pictures... I just sacrificed anything for that heavenly old movie look.

-suzyQ

Her Hands

2010-05-09T06:43:00.000-07:00

(my mother, my sister, and me back in the day)

I remember waking up on lazy sunny mornings and hopping in the cozy bed with her. I would slip under her arm and sit there, holding her hands. The most beautiful hands. I would trace my fingers up and down, memorizing every feature- her wedding rings (I considered them rare jewels), her reddish-pink polish, the freckles sprinkled everywhere, the feel of her slick nails freshly manicured...

I still look at those hands, and they still are the most beautiful hands in the world. And sometimes, I even hop in her cozy bed on a lazy morning, just for old time's sake.

Happy Mother's Day, Mama. I love you.

Bliss

2010-05-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

Ohh this spring weather. It is enough to make me quit school all together and camp out in my back yard for the rest of my life. I am in bliss.

Hope your spring is fabulous as well.

Sam

2010-04-29T12:53:00.000-07:00

My best friend.
My therapist to listen to all my problems.
My pillow.
My warmth on chilly nights.
My laughter.
The root of an unclean house.
My protector on dark nights when I am home alone.
The addition to our family Christmas cards.
My portrait model that never whines or complains about smiling too much.
My spoiled rotten baby.

Sammy, I love you ole boy. You make Mama proud.

Apologies

2010-04-25T09:35:00.000-07:00

I am sorry that I have been absent for the last week or so... but I have a lot to catch you all up on later.

And here's a preview:

(prom!)

Have a happy rest of the week and weekend.
-suzyQ

Magic is...

2010-04-15T19:34:00.001-07:00

family dinners crammed into our busy schedules

shouts of the neighborhood boys enjoying this "summer preview" weather, even though it is way past bedtimes

late nights, followed by getting into bed with the warmth of a sleeping sibling on the sheets

having the sun as an alarm clock...peeking under the curtains with the warmth of a new day

quiet early mornings after good sleep

a smile from across the lunchroom

overcoming a tough week, followed by a weekend of pancakes, sunshine, and green grass

coming home after a long trip, the smell of home as you open the door

building sandcastles, sandy fingernails, and digging for seashells with the late day's sun on your arms

Digging up

2010-04-10T06:38:00.000-07:00

Because my mind is still on spring break mode, I decided to go deep into my archives and dig up an old favorite post that I feel didn't get its time in the spotlight... I am also celebrating my 101st post! So I am sorry if you have seen this post before, but it is one of my all-time favorites...

Chicago, Chicago

We drove 14 hours- all five of us packed in one car, luggage and all. The best trip of my life.

Chicago.

Car horns. Busy sidewalks. Suited-up men talking on their Blackberrys. Brief cases. Shopping bags. Taxis. Gum on my shoes. My mother freaking out as we cross the busy street- holding each of our hands. Wind-soo much wind. The Magnificent Mile. The Sears Tower. Navy Pier. Lattes. Darling boutiques. Wonderful dining on every corner. The feeling of excitement the city brings to me. Mine and my sister's plans to move up to Chicago as soon as we graduate college. New clothes, and much bragging to look forward to when we got back home.
...
Yes, I am a small-town girl who dreams of an internship at a major advertising firm in New York. Who dreams of being able to go shopping on a whim. Who dreams of going out and actually having a place to go. Who will be on top of every new city trend out there... and the list goes on.

But for now, I am perfectly content with my sleepy street, 30 classmates, neighborhood parties, and the sound of crickets as I fall asleep.

I will save the city for later.

Springy Easter

2010-04-05T04:52:00.000-07:00

I think this one and the first one are my favorites..

These are various pictures from my lovely Easter weekend. Don't they just gleam "spring"?!
I hope you all had a beautiful Easter as well, and I hope that feeling carries you through this week..

(I am on Spring Break, so mine will be perfect!)

Much love,
suzyQ

"Jesus died for all the children, all the children of the world..."

2010-03-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

(this one is my favorite.... the boys definitely look very enthused)

On Sunday our "Cherub Choir" sang an Easter song for the service.
And I tell ya, they are adorable. Especially the girls who try to sing over the others the whole time.. But seeing children in the worshiping atmosphere is pretty touching.

I'll even bet the adults get a lot more emotional during their songs than they do when we "grown ups" sing...

hope you have a merry rest of the week.

People watcher

2010-03-24T17:57:00.000-07:00

I am definitely an avid people watcher. I love watching busy moms juggling the stroller, blackberry, and a coffee all at once, while trying to tie the toddler's shoe. Or the man with the cigarette hanging out the window and listening to Willie Nelson on the car radio. There's also the spandex-suited dog walker in the park whose dog is a little too hyper to be anywhere near humans. But my favorite, however, is watching the mannerisms of young children just trying to grow up.

My brother, for example, sticks out his tongue on one side of his mouth while in deep concentration during homework sessions. He also likes to flick his head in order to "swoosh" his hair to one side of his head... this is what all the cool older kids do. (as it turns out, it looks like the kid just has an annoying twitch...)

Are you a people watcher?
(secretly, i worry what the heck people see when they look at me...)

she dances

2010-03-21T17:53:00.000-07:00

My sister is an athletic goddess. She can try her hand at any sport and succeed. She is also popular... not because of shallow junior high reasons, but because she is a good friend and a compassionate soul. She currently has a six-pack, even though she barely weighs 100 pounds. She has blonde hair and freckles (what better combination?) She is artistic, musical, responsible, intelligent.... the list keeps going.

but, oh wow... she can dance.

Ohhh yes

2010-03-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

I am a little late on these, but I just thought they were too darn cute to pass up...

and thank you everyone for being so patient with me, but I really needed the time off...
having said that,

i'm back.

hope your weekend is super lucky.

love you guys,
suzyQ

Dear You

2010-03-05T19:06:00.000-08:00

My lovely readers,
I don't know what has come over me. I am an anxiety-ridden fool walking around like a robot zombie. I have had no urge to even touch my blog (I know that comes as a surprise, seeing as I have had soooo many exciting posts lately...). The constant going and going... and going in my life recently has completely drained me of any emotion except stress and sleepiness. All I want to do is reach for my much-mentioned soft bathrobe and a hot drink and watch these next few weeks pass by. I am just tired. I just need a break. So I am going to go into a semi blog hibernation for a week or so to finish up the pile of projects on my list(s). And as soon as I am back into Blogville, my old self will return and the (pathetic) self pity will be kicked outta here. Hopefully some inspiration for this space will overcome me in the meantime. I love you all, and I promise... I will be back...
soon.

Much Love,
suz

P.S. It snowed on half of this southern state the other day! what happened to the lovely 74 degree weather? I have spring fever!

Snowy Remnants

2010-02-28T10:19:00.000-08:00

Sunday afternoons warm my soul.

2010-02-21T16:42:00.000-08:00

30 miles. 74 degrees. Rolled down windows and warm air. Full bellies and bright faces. Train, Uncle Kracker, Five for Fighting, and Rob Thomas on the radio with out-of-key voices joining in. Cell phone pictures that are dear to my heart.

This is what happiness looks like.

Have a happy week.

Perfect

2010-02-15T11:05:00.000-08:00

I have grown up in a wonderful world full of dinner parties, next-door cocktails, china plates, Sunday school dresses, neighborhood bike rides, white picket fences and golden retrievers. I have lived the Southern stereotypical lifestyle of knowing everyone in town and leaving doors unlocked… and I love it so dearly. I have always had a vision of my future: working in a successful marketing agency in a thriving city. Having the top-notch designer brands in clothing (something I have never had the luxury of experiencing.) My apartment being decorated to perfection and a place where clutter ceases to exist. Going out on the town at night where I would eventually meet the man of my dreams. We would date for approximately two years, get engaged, and then have the wedding of anyone’s expectations. We would then settle down into a small suburb where my small-town tendencies would fit in perfectly. Our house would be either white-washed brick or pale-yellow wood. And yes, a white picket fence would be in tact… complete with a terrier on the front steps. We would wait about a year before we had kids ( I would want the married-life experience, of course..) He would commute to work, and I would start a photography business from home once we started to have children. Our children would consist of two girls and one boy. They’d grow into successful adults and we would sit in our rocking chairs sipping tea, looking back on it all with so much pride… the perfect life.

But now I am trying to teach myself to let go of it all. Not to criticize people in my mind for not having my own fake ambitions of a “perfect” life. I am now learning to let my life fold out as I go. Not to care if I am living up to anyone’s darn expectations, but my own. Trying to learn who I am, not what I imagined I was. I am opening my mind to others’ ways of life, and looking at it with a positive frame of mind… attempting to engrain in my mind the importance of being happy. No matter what I do, who I end up with, where I am, whatever salary gets thrown my way… that is all that matters.

Ohhh I have a lot to learn and experience, and believe me, I know it.

Jumping out of my seat...

2010-02-13T07:35:00.000-08:00

Because....

It SNOWED. In my town. 4 inches.
I spent yesterday in the snow, gleaming the whole time.
Yes, I have been the obnoxious kid screaming and giggling who ruins your peaceful Friday night.

But I have fallen completely head over heels.... and I love every bit of it.

Happy Snow Day everyone!

(will post more pictures soon)

-suzyQ

No words

2010-02-01T13:07:00.000-08:00

Inspired by this post, today, I am going to let the image do all of the speaking to you...

Have a beautiful week.

How I love the Simple Things..

2010-01-26T19:19:00.000-08:00

homemade chocolate truffles.
going to my siblings' basketball games (the cheerleader comes out in me.. loudly) - they are also much more athletic than I am..
my dad staying up til the wee hours of the night proofing and editing my history papers..with master quality.
pesto and basil slathered on wheat rolls.
soap operas with the girls.
the weekend is only... 3 days away now.
watching my brother save up to buy a "candy gram" at school for his new girlfriend.. it reads "Happy Valentine's Day! Me + You forever." I also might add that his beau is an older woman- she is in the 5th grade while he is the fourth. I always knew that boy was a lady's man.
my plush bathrobe that is currently covering my worn-out jammies.
trees outlined in a lovely sunset.
freshly cut grapefruit on an old wooden board.

I hope your life is generously filled with simple things that make you beam.

go here for more simple delight..

-suzyQ

My Sister

2010-01-24T17:06:00.000-08:00

.... we might have just got in an argument over socks, but I have to admit, the blond bob, freckles, and braces are rather charming.

Have a great week, my friends.

-suzyQ

I'll go with love.

2010-01-19T16:08:00.000-08:00

this picture used here as well.

the pain in Haiti- I'll go with love.
the look of a hurt soul- I'll go with love.
a trembling hand- I'll go with love.
a cry of help- I'll go with love.

the smile of a stranger- I'll go with love...

love isn't limited to hurt and sadness... I'll go with love- always.

won't you join me?

I crave

2010-01-17T11:31:00.000-08:00

The sun.
its warmth.
flowers.
green.
fresh, new air.
Easter dresses...

spring, come soon, will you please?

-suzyQ

Unmasked

2010-01-11T05:03:00.000-08:00

We were sitting next to him on the wooden pews. His face was hardened, almost unapproachable. He had his hands crossed in his lap while we quietly chatted with him... After some mumbled small talk, he bluntly said “ I have 26 brothers and sisters".. we were taken a little off guard. We just sat there waiting for him to continue; we had never even heard of anything like that before. “Yeah, my dad’s like that. I don’t know half of them. And it‘s not okay.”

Will was his name. Past the hard exterior, Will had a huge heart who loved his mama. He was a lover and a giver. He had an incredible faith that stood strong even through everything that had happened to him. He was good to his women and he knew "how to treat em right." He was very smart and had big dreams. He planned to break away from the mistakes of his family and move forward on his own.

Will didn’t try to impress us with a grand knowledge of all things pop culture or the latest trends.
He was just----

there… himself…unmasked.

excitement!

2010-01-10T16:05:00.000-08:00

Susan of Just... a moment so kindly nominated me for the Kreativ Blogger Award. Thank you so much Susan. I am so honored! Her blog is also totally amazing.

Now here are the 7 talented bloggers that I am passing it on to:

1. Claire
2. Nina
3. Liss
4. Dani
5. Kamana
6. Jen
7. Debbie

You guys all inspire me, and sorry if you have received this award before, but I couldn't think of a more deserving bunch.
Go here to read the "rules" if you wish to pass it on..

Now, part of the deal is for the recipient to name 7 things their readers might not know:
1. I am not a morning person.
2. Audrey Hepburn is my favorite actress of all times.
3. Little Purple Cow is who got me into this whole blogging mess that I completely adore.
4. Yellow is my favorite color.
5. "Sappy" describes me very well.
6. Patience is something I need to achieve..
7. I am currently wearing green and white striped knee socks with a light-up Christmas tree at the top- on January 10th...

Thank you all for just being here.
Have a great week.

-suzyQ

crumbs will be abundant..

2010-01-07T16:45:00.001-08:00

This weekend I am painting my face and grabbing a couple sugar cookies.

And there will definitely be messy hair and dirty fingernails..

Happy Weekend.

-suzyQ

Not even a glance..

2010-01-03T20:33:00.001-08:00

May you dash into this new year head-on, with all your might...

and never look back..

-suzyQ

My favorites from 09..

2009-12-31T10:51:00.000-08:00

Well, my initial thought for this post was going to be "Best Shot of 2009.." but seeing that I can never make a final decision, here's a clump of my favorites from this year:

Moments:

(what I love about these is the realness of the moment... maybe not perfectly focused, but they are my favorites.)

Nature:

Portraits:

And my all-time favorite:

I hope your new year is filled with all the blessings of 2009, and then some.

Cheers to a wonderful 2010..

-suzyQ

Afterwards

2009-12-28T06:50:00.000-08:00

The tree is wilting; the dressing is long gone... toy bikes and barbie dolls start to lose their magic; cousins travel back to their homes...
but the joy- it lives on...

May the joy of the season make its home in your heart this year.

(picture taken with my cell phone and edited online)

Away in a Manger

2009-12-24T08:03:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, dear friends.

-suzyQ

Magical togetherness

2009-12-21T08:15:00.000-08:00

Togetherness.
We are heading up to my grandparents' for the holidays. Christmas up there is filled with cousins, warm fires, soft light, and plenty of family time. My grandma puts up a stocking for each person in our expanding family, and on Christmas morning each one is filled with knick-knacks and fresh oranges.Christmas Eve is when we head to the little church on the hill for carol singing and candle lighting. All of us kids are complete in our satin dresses with big bows and our shiny Mary Janes. Soon after the service, we scurry to bed where our grandfather reads "The Night Before Christmas," topped with wacky voice animations and fuzzy pj's.

Christmas morning, well that is just plain magic.

May your Christmas be filled with love, warmth, and magical togetherness with those special ones.

little did she know

2009-12-17T12:29:00.000-08:00

He worked next door to her... the girl with the auburn curls and rosy cheeks. She lived in the big white house with the navy shutters while he cleaned the grease off the stove and took out the trash next door. Her maid, Bee, had raised her since she was born. Her dresses were always crisp and bright. His trousers were slightly wrinkled and covered in soot. He would often sit out on the back porch and he would hear her music... it would come from the front room in the big house. He gradually would make his way to sit under the big oak tree and sit by the hydrangeas beneath the window and listen as her fingers glided up and down the piano... it was so peaceful. Sometimes, he would glance up without her noticing. When she played, she would tighten her lips and squint her eyes, almost as if they were closed. He saw a joy and a serenity in her as she played... he could tell it was her escape. Often she would look out into the distance as if seeing something far away, but then she would start right back playing again. She would repeat this for hours... sometimes he wondered if she even had a family inside that big house. He would almost be asleep under the oak tree when he would hear Ms. Wilkins whistling for him in the kitchen- another load of garbage waiting for him.... at night, sometimes he wouldn't even go home to his empty house full of soda cans and old magazines. Sitting under the big oak, knowing she was somewhere in that house- that was where he wanted to be.

Sometimes they would see each other at school. She would usually have four or five girls decked in plaid skirts and twin braids hovering around her to soak in the radiance.. she would always do the same thing she did at the piano- glance into the distance, as if searching for something... except here at school, she didn't snap back into the moment... the girls crowding around were almost a buzzing in her ears.

Little did she know that he was always there. Always in the background, always there to catch her if she'd fall. Around him, she wouldn't need to stare into the distance- all she had been searching and grasping for had always been right there under the big oak with the dirty hair and the greasy jeans...

Little did she know...

Silence

2009-12-15T17:40:00.000-08:00

Sometimes silence is the only road to the soul. . .

It's always here

2009-12-11T16:01:00.000-08:00

she touches my hand

then comes that smile i love..

no comfort beats mama's

love... is always here

. . .

I was just fooling around when I took this shot, but I somehow keep coming back to this one moment, filled with the subtle peace and beauty on a simple drive to dance lessons one rainy afternoon...

How can you not smile?

2009-12-08T04:20:00.000-08:00

I hope the rest of your week is wonderful.

-suzyQ

wait...

2009-12-05T14:37:00.000-08:00

When you make it to the top,

wait for me.

I dream.

2009-11-27T08:07:00.000-08:00

I dream...

of fields, white with a blanket of snow...

of taxis gliding down busy streets on a rainy day...

of black and white movies topped with happy endings...

of sunny days spent outdoors...

of crafting snowmen and making snow angels...

of my whole family together, our backs warm and cheeks pink from the fire...

of walking down a French street in a summery frock, holding fresh vegetables and bread in hand...

of butterfly and eskimo kisses after bedtime stories...

of driving for hours with nowhere to go...

of wishing with all my might in a field of dandelions...

Thankful goodness

2009-11-25T20:18:00.000-08:00

Things I am thankful for on this lovely Thanksgiving:

Pumpkin pies.
My family.
The warmth of my wool blanket.
My camera.
Natural light.
Christmas decorations ready to be placed.
Mac & cheese and fried chicken (the southerner's Thanksgiving meal)
The touch of a loved one.
My crochet needles.
My friendships.
Saturday mornings.
Fuzzy socks when the draft in my old house is too much for my poor feet to handle.
Dad's encouraging words.
Joking around with Mama.
My brother's blushed cheeks.
My sister's warm hands.
My golden retriever's precious head on my lap.
The amazing readers of my blog... I thank each and every one of you...
Who would have thought that a crazy 15 year old could love blogging this much?... and that would be because of all of you...

Most of all, I am thankful for this hectic, sticky, insane, crazy, wonderful mess of a life that I am incredibly blessed to have.

May your Thanksgiving be absolutely perfect.

Great love and thanks,
suzyQ

It's the simple things... (a few days late)

2009-11-22T17:21:00.000-08:00

Steaming apple cider in the chilly mornings.
The smell of rain...
My moccasins.
Brushing the hair out of my brother's sweet eyes.
Staying inside all day watching Christmas movie marathons- I love this time of year.
The smell of chili throughout my home- making me anxious for tomorrow's supper.
The fact that Thanksgiving is arriving...
Scribbling the beginnings of Christmas lists with my sugar-filled siblings.
The heat from the fire that is warming my toes at the moment...
The preparations for a pumpkin pie.
The freckle-nosed little girl smiling up at me in the choir loft at church this morning.
Going to sleep every night with the comfort of having my sister beside me throughout the night..

and the beautiful kitten that curiously watched the crazy teenager going camera-wild at the sign of leaves...

go here for more simple things.

Much love,
suzyQ

I am in love.

2009-11-19T16:33:00.000-08:00

I am in love... with fall. Pumpkin pie, blazing fires, and the smell. Oh yeah, that is my favorite part. I am on my way to jump in a pile of leaves and crochet myself a scarf.

Hope your fall is as lovely as mine.

Much Love,
suzyQ

on and on...

2009-11-15T17:02:00.000-08:00

We were thirteen, on the brink of high school. Everything would soon be changed- our friendships, our schoolwork, our shoe sizes, our teachers, and our lives. But on that warm, humid summer night down by the dock with the crickets humming us a tune and the fish quietly splashing in the pond beneath us, nothing mattered- nothing mattered at all. It was just the four of us; me, with my braces and sun-kissed cheeks, the two boys- 12 feet and battle scars between the two of them, and my best friend, with her sandy feet and over sized t-shirt. Fishing poles in hand, casual conversation, and bubble gum that lost its flavor the hour before; this is all that was on our minds that night. Our palms were sticky, the bonfire was dying down, the fish were long asleep... but we didn't mind. We sat out there for hours with no light but the moon.

On that summer night, the world's end wouldn't have bothered us. That night, on the cusp of young adulthood with our scraggly hair and torn blue jeans, a special, everlasting bond formed between the four of us... those clumsy country kids will never disappear...

no matter what.

and the crickets hum on and on...

-suzyQ

And a little more...

2009-11-09T13:53:00.000-08:00

Here are a few more sister shots... enjoy!

-suzyQ

Portraits

2009-11-06T19:54:00.000-08:00

Have been really busy lately, but here are some glimpses of some of my portraits. (click on each picture to get the full view... I hate how small they turn out on my page! They also look clearer when you click.)

This beautiful girl is my sister- how lucky am I to have such a fantastic model living right at home??

Have a marvelous, blissful, serene weekend.
Much love,
suzyQ

Saturday Mornings

2009-11-01T05:15:00.000-08:00

Waking up to the smell of pancakes. Hurrily putting on my wool moccasins and bathrobe to grab one before the rest of my family devours them. Sleepy eyes and scraggly hair. Orange juice on the back porch. Cartoons constantly showing on every t.v in the house. Good ole Log Cabin syrup on sticky fingers. Browsing blogs to my soul's content. Finally changing out of my pajamas around noon. Then gradually doing the dishes... usually around one or two.

This would have to be my favorite day of the week. Lazy mornings and late nights filled with fun- what could be better?

Will be looking forward to next Saturday all week....

Have a great day.
-suzyQ

Pink Thursday (4)

2009-10-28T17:52:00.000-07:00

Ahh. We come to an end of Pink Thoughts. I hope that even though October is ending, pink thoughts will still continue to buzz in your mind.

I hope that you continue
to remember,
to pray,
to cherish,
to hope,
and to love for those affected with breast cancer.

May there always be a special pink place in your soul.

Much love-
suzyQ

It comes

2009-10-27T13:22:00.000-07:00

the rain comes.

and comes.

and comes.

despite the cold and wet, it sure makes for a good picture.

-suzyQ

Take a leap... lessons from the trampoline

2009-10-25T15:43:00.000-07:00

Do you sometimes feel like you are just living your life robot-style? Like you are just going through your regular ole every day routine; like you are in a car going 200 miles an hour watching your life pass you by outside the window? Are you bored with yourself?

My new challenge: Take everything slowly. Live your life by the edge of your seat, eagerly grasping every exciting opportunity that comes your way. Anticipate. Get giddy over the little out of the ordinary happenings in your everyday life. Take risks. Try something new. Bake a cake, go roller-skating, try a new instrument, get a pedicure. Scrounge up every last crumb of your day (who cares if you get a little bloated in the end?)

Just take a leap into life again. Jump as high as you can-
just have the ride of your life.

And don't forget to take notes along the way.

-suzyQ

Pink Thursday (3)

2009-10-22T14:02:00.000-07:00

I love the shades of pink in this picture- his lips, cheeks, and ears. I had to bribe him to let me capture a few shots of him after school one day. We played, wrestled, and he macho-ly posed with his football in hand as well. We had a lot of brother-sister fun.

I am even willing to bet that he will be begging me sometime next week for us to do it again.

Tonight, as I sleepily murmur my prayers, I am going to be sure to get in a few good wishes for all the brave breast cancer victims and their families.

I might even say a thankful one for this cute little fellow as well.

-suzyQ

Tight

2009-10-20T14:09:00.000-07:00

Your time will come, little one.
Just hold on tight.

"The Battle of the Internal suzyQ"... stay tuned for next week...

2009-10-17T20:54:00.000-07:00

Writing.

Oh, the freedom it brings to my life.
But, oh, the anxiety that follows close behind.

Does that sound like I envisioned it would? Correct grammar? What should I write about next? What if I run out of things to write about? Am I getting the point across that I have agonized over the last hour? What can I do to inspire and touch my readers? What is the purpose of this blog?

(Can you tell I have an analytical side?)

So, then my psychiatric side must quiet and console my endless thoughts.
She tells them:

"As long as you are making yourself happy with what you write, nothing else matters. Never worry about running out of things to say- life happens, and when it does, your story will unfold along the way. No matter what, your words will somehow touch someone out there- end of story. Now, only you can reveal the purpose of your blog- think about it."

After much consideration, I answer, "Well, I started it as a creative outlet and a place to showcase some of my amateur photography. But, it turned into a place where I express my thoughts and it has taken me in many directions unimaginable. It is a confidence builder, friendship maker, and much more. My blog never ceases to listen to everything I have to say, without the slightest complaint. I guess that the purpose of it would be to challenge and uplift my own life, and hopefully lighten the load of some other people's lives as well. I want my readers to arrive here and feel at home, and for the stress and worries of their everyday lives to dissolve... knowing that anyone has received any kind of inspiration from my words gives me the greatest satisfaction I can ever have."

"Well, suzyQ, there ya go. Next time those crazy thoughts start buzzing again, tell them they will have to mess with me."

I love my psychiatric side.

Pink Thoughts (2)

2009-10-15T13:09:00.000-07:00

"Save the Ta-Tas."

Happy Pink Thoughts to you all.
-suzyQ

I love.

2009-10-13T16:38:00.001-07:00

1. The coolness that is just now approaching the air in my southern town. The need to reach for a light sweater delights me.
2. The sudden urges I have to jog around my neighborhood because of the beautiful weather. All the thoughts jumbled around in my head begin to make sense when I just let my mind go wild.
3. Vanilla yogurt (it is my new every morning breakfast.)
4. The fact that my sister and I have barely argued in the past week or so- yesterday, I could have sworn she smiled at me.
5. The adorable notes and doodles that my boyfriend leaves in my locker.
6. My history teacher has actually taken a liking to me. Today, we held some very detailed conversations (he even cracked a smile too!)
7. Hugging my mother every night before going to bed, and then hugging her in the morning-
-bed head and all.
8. Lingering under the cozy, warm sheets in the morning.
9. The photo shoots that a couple of mothers have asked me to do for their children (this one makes me especially giddy)
10. Seeing one of my best friends that graduated last year for the first time in a while. We talked for about two hours straight- I have missed that girl with every ounce of my being. Our lengthy discussion included talk about her ongoing love of college, while missing her real home. She came to one of our football games, and she said she felt like she should still be in the student section cheering with all of the crazy teens. This is what I am constantly analyzing about my future- the fear of leaving my whole life behind me and going on to the unfamiliar. See here.
11. This lovely little lady bug that elegantly posed for me while I took her picture.

I hope you are loving your life as well.
Happy Tuesday.

-suzyQ

One.

2009-10-11T15:44:00.000-07:00

Every Sunday we come together.
Communion is my favorite part of the service.
The lights are dimmed. The prayers are said. There is a single glow from the flickering candles. Hands are held. Eyes are dabbed. The soft music is playing. We all go down to the front to partake in the bread and juice. It is silent. Peaceful. Magical. Warm. Inviting.

It's at this moment that we are whole; gathering for one reason.
We are friends.
We are family.
We are happy.
We are loved.

We... are one.

You know you are from the South when...

2009-10-10T11:41:00.000-07:00

This is a daily view in your household.

Have a lovely weekend.
-suzyQ

Pink Thoughts (1)

2009-10-07T17:40:00.000-07:00

my grandmother-
her blond locks slowly began to disappear.
the gold on her skin was reluctant to shine.
the strength she normally had no trouble exerting began to fade;
but the smile on her face or the warm in her touch never withered.

...

the cancer no longer claims my grandmother.
its mark, barely visible.
but the memories...they will always remain.
...

To learn more about, or participate in "Pink Thoughts in October," click on the link over on the right- you know you want to.

-suzyQ

Enjoy

2009-10-04T17:01:00.000-07:00

I spent my Sunday afternoon photographing a birthday party- of twin 4 year old girls! Everything was absolutely precious. I have a gazillon photos that I will posting periodically... but this wonderful little party gave me inspiration for this week. Lately, I have been rushing around trying to do this and that, and I have forgotten to enjoy the little moments. So, as I was taught this afternoon by a dozen squealing little girls, I am going to enjoy every little inch of every day- or at least do my best. So I am off to get in my pajamas, grab a cup of hot chocolate, watch some sitcom re-runs, and enjoy.

I hope that you can try it too.

-suzyQ

Ahh

2009-10-02T14:31:00.000-07:00

Fall is divine. I am on my way outdoors to soak up the sun and let my hair blow in the wind. Aren't these flowers perfect for this time of year?

I hope you all are enjoying your fall and have a terrific weekend.

-suzyQ

It shines

2009-09-30T18:48:00.000-07:00

It welcomes me as I get home every evening.

Even on bad days, it still shines.

Lensbaby

2009-09-27T15:16:00.000-07:00

As I got home from school on Friday, a nice little package was waiting for me... As soon as I saw it, I ripped it open, knowing just what it was- my Lensbaby. I immediately went outside and started snapping hundreds of pictures. It is a very challenging lens, however, so some of these aren't that great; I am still getting used to it. (and sorry if you get a bit of a headache from looking at some of these!)

-suzyQ